Here are some common mentoring dilemmas, with suggested responses:
The mentor/mentee uses the sessions to talk about personal problems.
The personal problems may be so overwhelming that they will inhibit any meaningful discussion about work issues. It is not appropriate for mentors to bring their own issues to the discussions with their mentees. Similarly, mentees need to bear in mind that a mentor is not a trained counsellor. Where this situation emerges, it be appropriate to suggest that their partner refer themselves to Occupational Health, counselling service, GP, etc.
The mentor/mentee does not complete the agreed action plans.
Explore whether the plans were unrealistic. Identify the reasons why the plans have not been completed. If this recurs, does it indicate a lack of commitment from either/both of the parties?
The mentee and the mentor have very different styles of working.
Recognise that different approaches may be equally valid and explore their relative advantages.
The mentor is aware of problems that the mentee has not mentioned.
The mentor may wish to raise the issue, but they must allow the mentee the right not to talk about it. The mentee may wish to return to the issue in the future.
The mentor/mentee thinks their partner has breached confidentiality.
Perhaps this should be raised, but there may be implications for trust to be damaged in the relationship. If the relationship has broken down, contact the Scheme Director.
The mentor is supportive but not challenging so the relationship is too cosy.
Mentoring is meant to be developmental and to encourage growth, so challenge within a supportive environment is good. The onus here is on the mentor to ensure an appropriate balance of challenge and support.
The mentee being mentored keeps asking for support outside the agreed mentoring meetings.
Revisit the mentoring contract set out at the start of the relationship and clarify your expectations. The mentor can encourage the member to develop a wide support network and to use different sources of support.
The mentor is too keen to offer solutions and advice.
Encouraging the person being mentored to work out their own solutions may prove a better long-term strategy. If you are offering advice, why not offer a range of solutions and discuss the consequences of each?
One partner suggests a joint work project.
Consider how this would affect your current relationship. Would this enhance or damage the mentoring relationship? What happens to the project if the relationship falters? What happens to the mentoring relationship if the project goes badly?
The mentee or the mentor gives their partner a small gift.
This might depend on the nature and value of the gift and the stage in the relationship. Would refusing a gift make you feel comfortable and uncompromised? Or would it seem to your partner like rejection?